Dear Winnie 6/14/19

▲ hey, winnie, how do i make myself, look more not japanese, without becoming or horse, or norway?, i am only half, and have grey eyes,

One Who Enjoys Commas,

What kind of bloody question is this? Are you saying people who are not Japanese look like horses? You should be proud of your heritage and wear it with a glorious smile rather than trying to change it. Have you SEEN Renée Zellweger since her plastic surgery? My beloved Bridgette Jones will never be the same. I am CRUSHED! I also believe you should spend MUCH less time worried about your looks and spend more time focusing on your grammar and punctuation. No one will give two flips of a flop how you look if you appear daft.

▲ Dear Winnie,

So I’m looking for advice. Lately I have been feeling unpretty, mostly because my son keeps telling me that I am not pretty. He wont tell his friends about us, he hides his texts from me whenever they are around. He even makes me put panties on when they come over! He’s a grown man and I’m a hot cougar! Why does he not want his friends to know about us? We are in love!

-Family Matters.

Whew! Family Matters,

I’m typically not one to judge too harshly, but this time around I have to say that when a mother gives birth to a wee child, they are NOT supposed to shove them back in where they came from. You should be absolutely ASHAMED of yourself! HE is obviously ashamed or else he wouldn’t be hiding this from his friends! Do you have any idea the ridicule he’d receive had anyone found out about your ‘love’ for each other? And if you love him so much, why aren’t you wearing your knickers around his friends? Don’t you think you’ve disrespected him enough by…oh, piss it! You are a disgusting excuse for a mum.

▲ Winnie,

Maybe you can help. I am addicted to married men. I know I shouldn’t be a side chick, but I don’t care! There’s no messy relationship and they always DTF. i feel like I should settle down and stop homewrecking, but how? Can you help?

PS Still going to fu** them

DTF Homewrecker,

So, if you are still going to shag them, why are you asking my advice? I feel perhaps there is something deep inside of you that truly wants help, so here’s what I can offer: Start slowly by weening off the married blokes. They are cheating bastards and really don’t deserve to be bobbing their buckets down your well. Get on the Tinder, look specifically for the dirty down to shag men who would be willing to play out some bedroom fantasies. Before meeting, ask if they could dress and act like a married man. Perhaps you’ll meet a nice guy who enjoys such things and instead of being addicted to married men, you’ll form a love for fantasy bedroom games. Or, you could very well end up meeting with another married man. But if you don’t know he’s married, clear conscience! At least you aren’t down to bed your own children like Miss Family Matters.

Heart woes got you down? Maybe you need a little solid advice? DM me your problems, issues, & questions via Twitter @misswinnieleon! Or email me at: ((Notecard me @ Phebe Foxtrot In-world)).

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